WARNING!!! Long winded post below...
Hi everyone, so I wanted to share something with you all...before I do I'm not looking for sympathy or a pick me up I just wanted to let you all know that I am indeed human and maybe help one or more of you realise that you aren't superhuman either or incapable of showing our true sense of selves 👼🏼
Last night I had a mini meltdown...I'm not adverse to having these occasionally but they tend to sneak up on me when I least expect them. This was one of those moments I couldn't control...tears were streaming, sobs were loud and proud and I had copious amounts of snot...no, it wasn't pretty but boy did I feel better afterwards
You see, I don't like to give in to these moments, I don't like not feeling in control of my life, of my feelings, or of my snot for that matter but this came on quickly and I allowed it to happen. After 20 minutes of solid sobbing I was finally able to breathe calmly and wipe my face and then reflect on what had just happened
Anyone who knows me knows I don't cope with being dependent on anyone very well and being confined to my wheelchair for the past 5 weeks reliant on Craig, nursing staff and friends for literally everything has been so damn hard!!! Harder than I thought it would be! I guess having had a taste of independence with walking and even driving again and then deciding to take on this new challenge I've somehow found myself back at square one
I had all sorts of thoughts going through my head in that moment last night...the extreme desire for a 'normal life' again, the poor me, the why me and the overall feeling I'd lost myself along the way somehow. What purpose did I have? I don't work, I don't contribute to society in any way, I don't have anything to offer more than my soul and even that's looking a little tattered these days BUT then after the tears, after the snot and after the 20 minutes of 'poor me' I reflected on a few things and thought WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING???
On Monday I started a 7 Day Challenge run by the AMAZING Turia Pitt and we're up to Day 4 today...it's been 3 days of self reflection and getting out of our comfort zones and yes it's made me think a lot about myself, the situation I'm in and what I'm giving back to society! There are thousands of men & women doing this challenge and each and every one of us has our own reasons for doing it, our own stories, our own demons and our own challenges but most of all we have our own achievements and we should be damn proud of each and every single thing we overcome in life! Here's me saying poor me because I'm stuck in a wheelchair for 6-8 weeks of my life...really??? There are people in the world who would kill to have that be the worst thing in their lives right now
Don't get me wrong, I'm not downplaying my situation in any way but it's really about perspective isn't it? Instead of thinking about what I can't control, how about focusing on the things I can...soon I will be walking on the closest thing to bionic legs...I'm a part of something huge and my Osseo experience isn't something I should overshadow in any way with feelings of self doubt, I have an amazing partner and wonderful friends and family who love me and support everything I do, I have a roof over my head and food on the table, I get to meet extraordinary people everyday who I consider to be part of my extended family, I have experienced things others have only dreamed about and I can continue to keep pushing myself to achieve more, to give back more and to change lives
They say you only live once...well that's bullocks!!! You get a chance to live every single day you're breathing but you do die once so we better make the most of every opportunity and if today is your poor me day, that's ok too...embrace it and know tomorrow will be better
Let's all put on our big girl undies and get on with living this life we are so blessed to have
Ps if anyone feels like they need to vent/share anything, please feel free to message me anytime! Let's all be Queens (Kings) of our own lives